Nidhi's Story: A Child's Breath Of Life

 :: Nidhi and her daughter, Aarna ::

NEW DELHI, India - 

The birth of a child is a family's greatest joy - usually perceived as the gift that keeps on giving. Even before he is born, a parent daydreams about the person their child will become, the aspirations they will have, the challenges they will overcome, and the kind of life they will ultimately undertake and accomplish.

When Nidhi found out she was pregnant in late 2005, she pictured a world full of wonder and excitement for her first child. Like any new mother, she wanted to provide her baby with the best upbringing and keep it out of harm's way. With time, however, she'd soon realize there was only so much she could do to protect her child.

During her first trimester of pregnancy, Nidhi's doctors detected she had high blood pressure and was therefore prescribed medication to keep it under wraps. Although the doctor assured this mother-to-be there was nothing to worry about, he recommended inducing labor after the 37th week of pregnancy.

On June 25th, 2006, Nidhi followed doctor's orders, and after being induced, patiently waited to meet her baby face to face for the first time. She was excited about this special moment - one she had been eagerly looking forward to for a very long time.

While in labor, everything seemed to carry on as normal - the baby's heartbeat on the fetal monitor appeared perfect; ultrasound pictures revealed the baby was in a healthy state, and Nidhi's blood pressure was finally under control. But once Nidhi's contractions started increasing and becoming stronger, doctors began to notice the baby was not shifting its pace. And then, without a moment's notice, the baby's heartbeat suddenly dropped.

"All the doctors surrounded me and I was told I would have to go for an emergency c-section," explains Nidhi, "I wanted to see my baby but nobody told me about her. Though everyone was trying to maintain their cool in front of me, I could guess something wasn't right as nobody - nobody at all congratulated me."

Three days after Sharanya was born, Nidhi was finally able to meet her daughter, but it wasn't the happy moment she had hoped for. Instead of seeing her newborn with rosy-pink skin, looking perfectly healthy with big, glowing eyes, Sharanya was found laying down with wires jutting out of her tiny hands, nose, arms, feet - everywhere. And with a thick pipe down her throat, providing the oxygen she needed to live.

By this point Nidhi learned that her daughter was born with Acute Asphyxia - a condition that arises when a baby's cord is wrapped too tightly around its neck, thus cutting off the oxygen supply. As a result, Sharanya was born without a pulse -  frail, cold and blue.

The chances of Sharanya surviving this terrible yet very delicate ordeal was slim to none. The doctor explained that if she did live, she wouldn't grow up to be a normal child, since the oxygen supply that was cut during birth could cause severe brain injury and damage down the line.

For almost a month, Nidhi saw her precious child go on and off the ventilator in the hospital, undergoing the pain of uncountable needles and high doses of medicineh while struggling to take any small breath and stay alive. As a mother, she was frantic, angry and left feeling completely helpless. Seeing Sharanya suffer this way was suddenly too painful for the family to bear.

"Those 27 days were a mix of hope and frustration of not being able to do much except wait and watch," recalls Nidhi. "With a constant question - why [my daughter]?"

They say when it rains, it pours. Then, on another day that was meant to be a quiet celebration, baby Sharanya passed away on July 23 - Nidhi's husband's birthday.

"I really didn't want it to happen on my husband's birthday. But all of my fears came true and she left us that day," laments Nidhi. "A day we would never be able to celebrate - without her memories. I was angry, devastated and shocked, too, at God's ironic way of liberating us on this day."

Sharanya's sudden death devasted everyone. In turn, it made Nidhi turn to her loved ones for the ultimate love and support she needed to get through this difficult time. And yet somehow, despite her indescribable heartache and pain, with time Nidhi was able to see a glimmer of light in her loss and find a seed of hope.

"I realized that one cannot run away from situations, " says Nidhi.  "I face every tough situation now with utter cool, maintaing a balance and being patient. No matter how hard or difficult the matter is - I know it can only get worse or better.. there is just no middle path. So, better to wait and watch and do your best."

She continues, "I learned that time is a big healer and there are no quick-fix solutions to stop grieving when it comes to your kids. I also learned that though it is important to accept your feelings of grief, it's also equally important to move on. No matter how many times life pulls you back, you have to keep going and not dwell on your grief. You have to keep living."

We often hear that with death comes rebirth, and true to form, a year after Sharanya's passing, both Nidhi and her husband were blessed with a beautiful, healthy and vivacious daughter - Aarna.

And so, through this newfound joy, Nidhi and her husband have done exactly what they set out to do - keep on living. As a testament of what they endured, for the sake of Aarna and in memory of their little baby girl, Sharanya.

 :: Nidhi and Aarna ::

*Note: A picture of Sharanya was not used per request of interviewee.

Sergio's Story: Just The Two Of Us

      :: Karen and Sergio, 2002; Homecoming Dance ::

 

MIAMI, Florida - 

In life, we usually expect things to take on a certain path, giving us the confidence we need that everything will follow a devised chronological order. As teenagers, we imagine the "normal" process to consist of high school, followed by college graduation, a good and solid job in the "real world," marriage with the love of your life and eventually settling down and having a family. But sometimes, what you think will be the “ultimate finale” ends up being the first – when you’re least prepared and have no idea where your life is headed.

Growing up as a Catholic boy, raised by Cuban-American parents, Sergio had his life set out for him and knew which direction it would go. In high school, he was your typical adolescent guy: he studied hard and was focused on his education. But he was struck by cupid’s arrow when he met a girl by the name of Karen in his English class.

Smitten by this brown-eyed smiling girl, he started passing her notes in class, hoping he’d get her attention.  Sending her beeps (remember those?) then calling her parents’ house (as Sergio puts it, those were “difficult times,”) , they got around to talking for long periods over the phone and got to know each other pretty well. Eventually, things started to progress on a comfortable, “I-really-like-you” level, and while both were sitting in his car eating pizza one day, he asked Karen out after the Homecoming Game.

Although the relationship had a rocky beginning (Sergio admits they broke up quite a bit the first few months), they in time made it out of their bickering phase and everything seemed to run smoothly. Months after they started dating, during Homecoming season the following year, Sergio got a call from his girlfriend saying she was late.  After making a trip to Eckerds (now known as CVS), they found out she was pregnant and they were expecting a baby.

Hold. Pause. Rewind. Just like that, suddenly Sergio’s life completely changed. And he was faced with one of the biggest decisions he’d ever have to make. Did that mean soon gone would be the days of partying until the crack of dawn? A huge responsibility now rested on the shoulder of this 18-year-old man and there were answers he needed to figure out. 

When I asked Sergio about whether him and Karen considered their options, he says they decided their only option was to keep the baby. “Honestly, abortion was never really an option for me,” he explains. “Not because I was raised Catholic, but because I just felt this was right. I loved her and I knew she loved me.”

Now, with the realization he would soon become a father, Sergio was left with the daunting task of telling both his parents and hers.  To his surprise and astonishment, both parents respected their decision and gave them their full, undivided support.  Two weeks later, Karen had a ring on her finger, and the following year, right before their son was born, they got married.

Sergio Jesus was born on June 6th, 2002, just a few days before Sergio’s (dad) high school graduation.

“I’ll never forget that [moment],” reflects Sergio. We had our moms in the delivery room and everything was perfect. I remember going out to tell my dad and as soon as I did, we just hugged and cried. I honestly couldn’t remember a happier moment.”

Sergio’s father provided him four words of wisdom that day: “It’s not about you.” He didn’t understand what his father meant at the time, but then everything started to make sense. Sergio understood that his life suddenly served a higher purpose and a greater responsibility than what he could have foreseen.

“As I’ve experienced being a dad and a husband, I figured his line was to describe how everything you do in life is a sacrifice when you’re a parent,” he says. “From waking up earlier to tend to them, having to work harder and longer hours, but, like everything, the best things in life are the things you achieve; not what you receive.”

That’s not to say there haven’t been difficult days, but Sergio acknowledges that it’s been worth it every step of the way.

Eight years later, Sergio and his now wife Karen have another son, Gabriel, and are happily creating their family home in Miami with their two young boys. They’ve settled into a life they could have never planned for but that ultimately became a true blessing in disguise.

“Looking back, I can’t even imagine life without my kids or my wife,” affirms Sergio. “I love my life and they are the motivation to keep on growing as a man.”

Back in 2002 and barely on the cusp of adulthood, Sergio was faced with making a decision that would potentially change the course of his life forever.  But little did this-then 18-year-old know that it would be the right one and the most rewarding. One that has enriched his future, his family values and his overall journey. Life may not have taken the pattern Sergio predicted, but it's undoubtedly made him a better man. And that's been the biggest blessing of all.

                                                   :: Sergio and his two boys ::

Catherine's Story: A Mother's Everlasting Embrace

FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida -

A mother-daughter bond is a connection every girl hopes for. It's unlike any closeness or relationship you can experience with another human being. Not always, though, do you have that picture perfect relationship, and you fight for reasons you may never understand until much later. But even when you may not directly feel a mother's touch, her warmth and loving care, even if it's in a subtle way, is quietly there.

Growing up as a vivacious and happy child, Catherine was always close to her mother, Marina. She knew this nurturing older figure, who gave birth to her, was somebody she could rely on. But things began to change when she was 8-years-old and her parents separated. There was no denying a sudden tension that arose between mother and child during this period due to personal issues. Catherine found herself often judging her mom and feeling a great disconnect as well.

Throughout her teenage years, the relationship between mother and child didn't seem to improve and rather, at times, it got worse. During this time, Marina began having menstrual problems - she didn't have her period for a year. Upon a visit to the doctor, Marina was told she had Stage 4 cervical cancer and was given 6 months to live. This bit of shocking news was a blow for the entire family, but Marina was then told she was a candidate for experimental radiation therapy. The radiation treatment, however, proved to be a double-edge sword. Although it did prolong her life for an additional 11 years, it also had bad side effects, burning her surrounding organs and causing kidney and intestine failure. But her mother was determined to fight the good fight. And every step of the way, Catherine was there - taking her to hospital after hospital in Tampa and treatment every 6 months. But when one of Marina's kidneys started to stop functioning, the doctor told her she needed dialysis or she would die.

Sitting down with Catherine over dinner at an off-setting restaurant in South Florida, she explained to me the despair she felt: "The doctor said if [my mom] didn't do anything she wasn't going to live anymore because her kidneys were shutting down."Despite this devastating information, Catherine saw her mother bounce back from her health situation many times, so she was confident that the dialysis would make all the difference. But in late 2009, things started to take a turn for the worse yet again.

On December 1st, 2009, Marina started feeling severe stomach pains. With holiday season approaching, Catherine was busy putting up a Christmas tree and decorations around the house - something her mother participated in. Although Marina complained about a stomach ache, her daughter disregarded it at first, because in the past it turned out not to be something serious. However, the pain only seemed to intensify, and a few days later her mother was in the hospital. An emergency surgery was scheduled right away due to a grave problem with her intestine. Desperate and not knowing where to turn, Catherine called her cousin and his wife to come be with her during this time of need.

"The doctor said there was 50% chance of survival. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to switch hospitals, but my mother told me: 'Cathy, I want you to know I'm really sorry for everything. Please forgive me because sometimes we've acted like enemies. I looked at her like... forgive you? Why are you saying these things?," reflects Catherine. "When your mom has a 50-50 chance of living, it suddenly becomes serious. I cried my eyes out and prayed to God and said please help her, support her, be with her. I will do whatever I need to do to help her."

After Marina's operation, the doctor explained there was only so much he could do because of damage done from the radiation therapy gone wrong, which had ultimately affected vital organs of her body. As days went on, her mother began to scream of unbearable pain from her leg. And day by day, Catherine turned to her faith and asked the Lord for guidance. But Marina slowly started slipping away, eventually losing consciousness and requiring a breathing tube. Her health was in a clear state of utter deterioration.

The doctor explained that at this point her mother’s chances of survival were very slim and not much hope was left at all. He was frank in saying if Catherine’s mom did survive, she would be left with no functioning kidneys, have to rely on regular dialysis and live the rest of her life in a wheelchair. In essence, she would have no quality of life. This incredibly harsh realization was a lot for the whole family to swallow.

"Many doctors told me that if that was my mom, they would let her go," explains Catherine. So it was then that she made the most difficult decision of her life - to pull the plug and let her mother be at peace.

"I knew she was going to pass away," adds Catherine."[The day she died] I was home because I was kind of tired. I wanted to be there [at the hospital] and yet I didn't want to be there when she passed away, because I didn't know how I would deal with it. My uncle then called me and said, 'Come fast! She is going to die!' ...I got there 5 minutes late."

December 31st, 2009 - Marina said her final goodbye.

Six months have gone by, and Catherine admits she struggles with her mother's passing everyday. She feels sorry now for having judged her mother so often, even though for many years she didn't realize how this was affecting their relationship.

About her mother's passing, she says: "I've tried calling her on the phone and then I realize she's not there anymore. In a way I feel like she's gone to Peru and has gone somewhere but will be back. I miss seeing her on our bed, watching TV. I miss her talking to me about the news of what she's heard. I even miss her being mad at me.


I realize that she was basically like my best friend. She would tell me I was the only thing she had. And really, she was the only thing I had."

Part of dealing with her mother's death has been dealing with a sense of emptiness. "It hasn't completely sunk in," notes Catherine. "But I realize now what it means to be a mom... the things I would judge her on, now I understand her more. Now that she's not there, I also feel more like a woman, because now I have to be the one to make all the choices, and it makes me miss her support and guidance. Before, it was me and her, now it's just me."

Even Catherine's faith has been affected and grief counseling offered her much help or consolation. "Now I'm completely confused. I feel like I don't know anything at all. But regardless, I want to feel more of that spirituality." Though she's not quite sure where God fits into her life now, she still feels determined to seek answers and make every second count. Through this devastating experience, she's learned not to take time for granted because the moments you have with somebody you love may be the only moments you really have.

"Every day live it as if it's your last," she emphasizes. "Make it worthwhile. Make sure you're making that person have a good time and that they are aware of how you feel for them because it may be the last time you ever see them."

A couple of years ago, while driving from Fort Lauderdale, Catherine and her mom found themselves on a mini road trip. They were on their way to Tampa to seek transplant options for her mother and get a second opinion from another doctor. The day was young; the mood was calm, and the sun was still shining. Laughing and enjoying each other's company, they were listening to one of their favorite artists - Eros Ramazzotti. With a big smile on her face, Catherine's mom would burst out in song - "Thank you for existing" - and suddenly, Catherine would see her mother's face light up and her eyes twinkle. For in this moment she was happy. And in this moment, both mother and daughter were connected again. As they had been at birth, as they had been in life - and simply did not realize it at times.

And it is this memory and her mother's ever-loving presence that continues to surround Catherine. That she will one day also pass on to her 8-year-old son. Because, through every generation, come what may, a mother's love remains.

Alicia's Story: In The Name Of Love

GUADALAJARA, Mexico - 

What would you do in the name of love? Some people say they’d go to the end of the world, cross mountains, live in a foreign land and sacrifice everything they have - all for the one they love. Often times this is a figure of speech, but what if this literally became your reality? And the only way you could be with your soul mate?

Love at first sight. It was the closest thing to it Alicia ever felt when she set her eyes on the tall, dark and handsome Mexican waiter at a restaurant she went to one day in her town of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. Pointing him out to her sister that sunny afternoon, she confidently informed her, "He's the only one I would ever date." Months later, by coincidence or luck of the cards, she bumped into Fabian again. This time, she mustered the courage to ask him out because she felt an "immediate click," despite at first not even knowing his name. Regardless, something inside Alicia told her she could not let this one go. Although she didn't realize it at first, she had no idea what that would truly entail and require from her part.

Fabian had the total package - the precise definition of "tall, dark and handsome." But it went beyond the exterior. Unlike other men Alicia had met and dated, he was caring, with a heart of gold; he was there for her when no one else was, and he had a genuine aura about him you could see from miles away. His smile was infectious. He was the kind of man every guy wants to hang with and every woman dreams about. He was exactly everything she ever wanted - with one minor important detail: he had been living in the U.S. as an undocumented immigrant for six months when they met.

Like most immigrants, Fabian came to America hoping to provide a better life for himself, one of great dreams and opportunities that you could not find in Mexico. Growing up in extreme poverty, food was scarce in Fabian's household - he grew up living on a lot of ground with one room, and occasionally had to pick up food off the sidewalk. Needless to say, survival was a constant struggle. Alicia, on the other hand, came from a decent Pennsylvanian middle-class family who, even though they didn't have much, never had to worry about making ends meet or having a roof over their heads. Fabian's story wasn't something that shunned Alicia away, however. She had been raised with a strong faith, and throughout her life, missionary work helped her inspire and assist other people less fortunate than her. Living her life with an open mind and an open heart, careful not to judge, but to “love God and love others” was her daily motto.

It was a given she wanted to take this new-found, solid relationship all the way, and after two years together, both Fabian and Alicia decided to marry and take the proper steps to adjust his status. Alicia - your typical all-American, blonde-haired and blue-eyed beauty - was willing to do whatever it took to be with the man she loved. Fabian quickly became a productive member of his local community; he moved up from dishwasher to manager and became beloved by all who surrounded him. So they were given some peace of mind when an immigration attorney informed them their process should be no problem at all, because of the diligent steps they had taken to ensure they were doing everything right. In reality, though, they had been misled and misinformed.

After 15 long and agonizing months of being apart, while Fabian awaited his immigration verdict in Mexico and Alicia stayed back in the U.S. holding up the fort so to speak, his residency petition came back as denied. Due to lack of proof of "severe hardship," along with the fact that her husband had entered the country illegally, Fabian automatically received a 10-year ban.  He was given 90 days to leave the country. Alicia was utterly heartbroken and devastated but she had already made up her mind - wherever he went, she was determined to go with him.

When I recently interviewed Alicia and asked why she made the decision to move with her husband to Mexico, she said the answer was simple: Marriage. "We could handle a year or two apart," she explained. "More than that was not acceptable to me. I wanted to keep my marriage together and keep the sanctity of it together."

Many people questioned why she was willing to change her whole life around for her husband. She puts it matter of factly: "He's my husband, he's a part of me." There were no ifs, ands or buts about it. Even though she admits some people around her disapproved of the relationship, her family however provided her their full support. Ultimately, she says it was her "strong belief in marriage and faith" that made her move.

So far, she's had three unique experiences in Mexico. First was on a missionary trip. The second time she found herself in the land of the burrito and enchiladas was when they went for their initial two immigration interviews. She notes that this period was extremely difficult for her because everything was up in the air, and she simply did not want to get accustomed to her unfamiliar surroundings due to warnings from her husband and his family about the dangers of venturing out by herself. Alicia admits she became fully dependent on her husband and, as a result, fell into a deep depression. However, after they received their denial notice and she returned to Mexico for the third time early this year, she came back with a very different state of mind.

Sure, she has some low days, she says. And admits it's been difficult adjusting to the insurmountable level of corruption and distrust you find in local authority on the other side of the border. Bitterness is also something that has crept into her life - including some toward the U.S. immigration system who she feels has in a way "punished" her. She has tried to fight this element of bitterness, that’s something she’s never really felt before, and hopes to eventually let it go and turn it into love instead.

"I feel like I'm being punished for doing the right thing - when I hear stories about people who lie about hardships, lie about their relationship, get psychiatrists to write stuff and suddenly, they're back in the U.S. I've learned that sometimes if you value integrity... sometimes things aren't always going to turn out well even if you do things right." She adds, "However, my values are growing a lot stronger now because I'm not willing to lie and cheat to get what I want. If I lie and cheat to other people, what would keep me from lying to my husband?"

Being a U.S. citizen, Alicia can visit home whenever she likes, but both she and her husband have 7 1/2 years left in Mexico before they can legally return to U.S. soil as a couple. "Even with all this experience I've been through," she says, "I wouldn't change anything."  That's because, she contests, God has kept her sane and given her the strength to keep pushing forward.

Despite dealing with unimaginable obstacles that you think you'd only see in the movies, Alicia acknowledges this has been a journey of self-improvement and growth. She says going through a life-changing event like this will ultimately change your character if you let it, and undoubtedly make you stronger. Not only as a person but in your relationship as well.

As it has always been in her life, Alicia's strong faith and undeterred determination are what have always guided the way and helped her see the rainbow after the storm. Many may see her as one of the bravest women they know, but to Alicia, the decision she made to move to Mexico and be with her husband was -  well, a no-brainer. It simply went along with her faith, values, beliefs and, most of all, her integrity. She made a promise to her husband on her wedding day. When she said "come what may" in her wedding vows, she meant it. Fast-forward four years and they're still going strong.

Great levels of stress and disappointment can sometimes be inevitable, but in the end it has always come down to one thing for this American girl who saw no race or color in the man she fell in love with: "If you know what you believe in, you stand for it like nothing else."

                        :: Fabian and Alicia reunited in Mexico, together, at last ::