Catherine's Story: A Mother's Everlasting Embrace

FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida -

A mother-daughter bond is a connection every girl hopes for. It's unlike any closeness or relationship you can experience with another human being. Not always, though, do you have that picture perfect relationship, and you fight for reasons you may never understand until much later. But even when you may not directly feel a mother's touch, her warmth and loving care, even if it's in a subtle way, is quietly there.

Growing up as a vivacious and happy child, Catherine was always close to her mother, Marina. She knew this nurturing older figure, who gave birth to her, was somebody she could rely on. But things began to change when she was 8-years-old and her parents separated. There was no denying a sudden tension that arose between mother and child during this period due to personal issues. Catherine found herself often judging her mom and feeling a great disconnect as well.

Throughout her teenage years, the relationship between mother and child didn't seem to improve and rather, at times, it got worse. During this time, Marina began having menstrual problems - she didn't have her period for a year. Upon a visit to the doctor, Marina was told she had Stage 4 cervical cancer and was given 6 months to live. This bit of shocking news was a blow for the entire family, but Marina was then told she was a candidate for experimental radiation therapy. The radiation treatment, however, proved to be a double-edge sword. Although it did prolong her life for an additional 11 years, it also had bad side effects, burning her surrounding organs and causing kidney and intestine failure. But her mother was determined to fight the good fight. And every step of the way, Catherine was there - taking her to hospital after hospital in Tampa and treatment every 6 months. But when one of Marina's kidneys started to stop functioning, the doctor told her she needed dialysis or she would die.

Sitting down with Catherine over dinner at an off-setting restaurant in South Florida, she explained to me the despair she felt: "The doctor said if [my mom] didn't do anything she wasn't going to live anymore because her kidneys were shutting down."Despite this devastating information, Catherine saw her mother bounce back from her health situation many times, so she was confident that the dialysis would make all the difference. But in late 2009, things started to take a turn for the worse yet again.

On December 1st, 2009, Marina started feeling severe stomach pains. With holiday season approaching, Catherine was busy putting up a Christmas tree and decorations around the house - something her mother participated in. Although Marina complained about a stomach ache, her daughter disregarded it at first, because in the past it turned out not to be something serious. However, the pain only seemed to intensify, and a few days later her mother was in the hospital. An emergency surgery was scheduled right away due to a grave problem with her intestine. Desperate and not knowing where to turn, Catherine called her cousin and his wife to come be with her during this time of need.

"The doctor said there was 50% chance of survival. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to switch hospitals, but my mother told me: 'Cathy, I want you to know I'm really sorry for everything. Please forgive me because sometimes we've acted like enemies. I looked at her like... forgive you? Why are you saying these things?," reflects Catherine. "When your mom has a 50-50 chance of living, it suddenly becomes serious. I cried my eyes out and prayed to God and said please help her, support her, be with her. I will do whatever I need to do to help her."

After Marina's operation, the doctor explained there was only so much he could do because of damage done from the radiation therapy gone wrong, which had ultimately affected vital organs of her body. As days went on, her mother began to scream of unbearable pain from her leg. And day by day, Catherine turned to her faith and asked the Lord for guidance. But Marina slowly started slipping away, eventually losing consciousness and requiring a breathing tube. Her health was in a clear state of utter deterioration.

The doctor explained that at this point her mother’s chances of survival were very slim and not much hope was left at all. He was frank in saying if Catherine’s mom did survive, she would be left with no functioning kidneys, have to rely on regular dialysis and live the rest of her life in a wheelchair. In essence, she would have no quality of life. This incredibly harsh realization was a lot for the whole family to swallow.

"Many doctors told me that if that was my mom, they would let her go," explains Catherine. So it was then that she made the most difficult decision of her life - to pull the plug and let her mother be at peace.

"I knew she was going to pass away," adds Catherine."[The day she died] I was home because I was kind of tired. I wanted to be there [at the hospital] and yet I didn't want to be there when she passed away, because I didn't know how I would deal with it. My uncle then called me and said, 'Come fast! She is going to die!' ...I got there 5 minutes late."

December 31st, 2009 - Marina said her final goodbye.

Six months have gone by, and Catherine admits she struggles with her mother's passing everyday. She feels sorry now for having judged her mother so often, even though for many years she didn't realize how this was affecting their relationship.

About her mother's passing, she says: "I've tried calling her on the phone and then I realize she's not there anymore. In a way I feel like she's gone to Peru and has gone somewhere but will be back. I miss seeing her on our bed, watching TV. I miss her talking to me about the news of what she's heard. I even miss her being mad at me.


I realize that she was basically like my best friend. She would tell me I was the only thing she had. And really, she was the only thing I had."

Part of dealing with her mother's death has been dealing with a sense of emptiness. "It hasn't completely sunk in," notes Catherine. "But I realize now what it means to be a mom... the things I would judge her on, now I understand her more. Now that she's not there, I also feel more like a woman, because now I have to be the one to make all the choices, and it makes me miss her support and guidance. Before, it was me and her, now it's just me."

Even Catherine's faith has been affected and grief counseling offered her much help or consolation. "Now I'm completely confused. I feel like I don't know anything at all. But regardless, I want to feel more of that spirituality." Though she's not quite sure where God fits into her life now, she still feels determined to seek answers and make every second count. Through this devastating experience, she's learned not to take time for granted because the moments you have with somebody you love may be the only moments you really have.

"Every day live it as if it's your last," she emphasizes. "Make it worthwhile. Make sure you're making that person have a good time and that they are aware of how you feel for them because it may be the last time you ever see them."

A couple of years ago, while driving from Fort Lauderdale, Catherine and her mom found themselves on a mini road trip. They were on their way to Tampa to seek transplant options for her mother and get a second opinion from another doctor. The day was young; the mood was calm, and the sun was still shining. Laughing and enjoying each other's company, they were listening to one of their favorite artists - Eros Ramazzotti. With a big smile on her face, Catherine's mom would burst out in song - "Thank you for existing" - and suddenly, Catherine would see her mother's face light up and her eyes twinkle. For in this moment she was happy. And in this moment, both mother and daughter were connected again. As they had been at birth, as they had been in life - and simply did not realize it at times.

And it is this memory and her mother's ever-loving presence that continues to surround Catherine. That she will one day also pass on to her 8-year-old son. Because, through every generation, come what may, a mother's love remains.